Navigating Family Stressors as the Holidays Approach

As the holiday season nears, many people notice their stress levels rising long before any travel plans are set or groceries are bought. While the holidays can bring joy, connection, and celebration, they also tend to magnify long-standing family dynamics—both the comforting ones and the painful ones.

In therapy, I often describe family systems as “old choreography.” Each person knows their role, the unspoken rules, and the emotional landmines that have existed for years. When we return to family gatherings, it’s easy to slip back into these patterns—people-pleasing, caretaking, avoiding conflict, or absorbing the emotional intensity of others. Even those who feel stable, grounded, and thriving in their day-to-day life can feel unexpectedly activated around certain family members.

Common holiday stressors include:

• Unresolved tension between relatives that resurfaces in passive comments or emotional distance.

• Role expectations, such as being the mediator, the organizer, or the “strong one.”

• Boundary challenges, especially with family members who minimize needs, dismiss feelings, or impose opinions.

• Emotional regression, where adults feel pulled back into childhood dynamics they’ve outgrown.

• Seasonal pressure, from travel and finances to cooking and hosting, which overlays everything else.

Therapy can be a grounding place to explore these patterns and learn new ways of responding. We work on identifying triggers, understanding where old roles came from, and practicing boundaries that prioritize mental and emotional well-being. Clients often find that a bit of pre-holiday preparation—clarifying expectations, planning supportive routines, and crafting a few prepared responses—can dramatically reduce emotional overwhelm.

Most importantly, the holidays don’t require perfection. You’re allowed to protect your peace, show up in ways that feel sustainable, and opt out of dynamics that harm your well-being. With awareness and compassionate boundaries, it’s possible to stay connected while also honoring your own emotional needs.